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To Know Your Caddie Betrays You

11/16/2009

Betray


• Your new titanium driver is slathered with bacon drippings and stick-um.

• He wipes the mud off your ball with coarse #10 sandpaper.

• You hear him whisper to another caddy that you're a "major league.." something.

• He suggests you shorten the hole by teeing off over the snake-infested swampland "unless you're a pussy willow sissy boy."

• As you line up your putt, he does shadow puppets on your pants.

• He says he'd like to help you read your putts but he's illiterate.

• When you sink a birdie putt, he moans "there goes my bet."

• During your swing you hear him feverishly talking on his cell phone, but it's only to the time-recording lady.

• When you ask him where to aim your next shot, he points to his left breast.

• He hands you a driver, 9 iron and putter and tells you "meet me on the next hole and don't mess up!" 

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